Me: Children are the future. You can do it, they saidput your back into it, they said. Being an adult is like being a paper clip. Everyone knows you’re twisted, but you’re expected to hold a lot of things together. Enjoy our compilation of forty of the funniest Tweets of all time: And if you liked this post, be sure to check out these popular posts: 43 Of The Greatest Funny Tweets In The History Of Twitter 46 Of The Dumbest Tweets In The History Of Twitter The Best Ken M Tweets. The latest tweets from @JokesMemesFacts.
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←Rate | 02-28-2021 14:44 by @DonaldJT Comments (0)
Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
My therapist told me I need to take the time to find myself. Took me all of 5 minutes. There was a mirror in the bathroom. Who's the smart one now Doc?
Some fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time...' Others begin with 'If elected, I promise...'
The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .
I'm starting to worry that I can't stab someone in front of a cop without getting shot
Manager: Why do you want to work at Comcast? Applicant: I'll get you an answer in about a week. Manager: Brilliant! You're hired.
Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to...
When a kid says ' Daddy, I want mommy', that's the kid version of 'I'd like to speak to your supervisor.'
Funny Tweets From Trump
'Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you.' -Honest spam
The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week
Today's Tip: Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success.
My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? Congressman.
I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
Going outside to vacuum the driveway. I do this every so often... just to ensure the neighbors never talk to me...
“can we contact your previous employer to find out what you were like on the job?” sure as long as I can contact your previous employee to find out what you did to drive them away
Funny Tweets
And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.
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